Stop, pause and listen

It has been almost a year since I wrote my last post. During that time I have attempted to launch Wonder Women Execs, started a consulting business and generally kept looking for the Holy Grail of what, where and how I should be living my life. What I failed to do in all of this machinations is actually be present in it.

What I mean by that is for my whole life I have basically been trying to control everything - my career, my relationships, my children. I have focused on externalities to validate myself as manifested in academic, professional and social achievement. But I have never, or at least in any sustainable way, stopped to listen to what was out there. To pause and listen to what the "universe" ( I feel so hokey when I say that but don't know any other way of describing it) has available for me. I guess they call that spirituality. As Wendy puts it, I am spiritually bankrupt - I have no spiritual equity. That is not to say that I am evil, or do not have faith, but rather that I have not invested in my spiritual self.

So, my friends, I am going to go on a journey. A travel if you will - not to the depths of Africa (although I wish I could right now) - but to the depths of my inner self. I need to stop trying to control everything and just "be" with where I am. This all sounds so New-Agey when I write this, but it is something that I have never been able to do.

I have been given a gift of time (yes, I got laid off again - but that story later) and a gift of limited financial freedom (David got a fantastic new job) to engage in this exploration. I really don't know what it will look like, but I am excited to begin.

As part of this adventure, I am going to write about it and share my thoughts, frustrations, joys and overall progress. A spiritual catharsis if you will.

Here goes....